The above is an image that appeared in our local coast weekly that I just HAD to scan in and use here. And the story begins... On a special little board called WWWA (which I always call WWA, for reasons I'm not quite sure of), running on software called Citadel (or 'cit' as it's always referred to by just about everyone including me that uses those kinds of boards), that's had quite a story to tell of it's own travelled existence, there lies a room that used to be one thing, then became another through my over-use of the now infamous phrase, BITE MY CRANK!!!
What the hell are you talking about?
So let's see this "room"..
96Feb08 from Off The Lip
What the FUCK??....um...
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GRIN
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95Jul07 from Off The Lip
Well see...there you go bringing reality into the whole thing. SHIT MAN! HAVE YO
U NO PRIDE in the ways of the Cranker? It's all about my own little fantasy land
.. Say it with me in that corrinthian leather guy's accent, "Fantasy (is)land.."
Yeahhhh...that's the ticket man! BY COD, IT'LL BE BOUNTIFUL! BOISTEROUS! And FI
LLED with the joys of human exhaltation.
It's kind of like that mtv thing..that Mask...no...the MAX. A collectively share
d, alter-reality. With rules that only we make. But instead of based on sufferei
ng and pain, based upon the shhhmookin side of the human condition. Yes, some da
y, I'll have them in here with me. We'll be as one, the collective will spread.
CRANK! CRANK! CRANK! BITE! BITE! BITE!
GRIN
GRIN
GRIN
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95Jul03 from Off The Lip
Cranker my cacklin....sorklin fardly shnootn tord.
GRIN
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95Jul21 from Off The Lip
Bite my hypertext markup CRANK! A href my wild and wankable wooky-bar.
GRIN
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95Jul22 from Off The Lip
Farklin foooooodly-hoodle. (Translation: BiTe[[[]]]\\|mY----CrANk....!!!)
GRIN
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95Aug05 from Off The Lip
Crink my cranker......baby.
GRIN
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95Aug15 from Off The Lip
I'm, going gone.... I've experienced such a range of emotions, by my self..that
I can only describe it as madness.. It's not a normal state of mental stability
when...I mean... The only other possibility would be a telemotive connection wit
h an unseen person. Though I'd like that, I doubt that as well. I have no soluti
on to my canundrum. I'm left out, in my crowded lonelyness. I laugh at the funny
things, they keep me alive, but it doesn't save me from the present bitter trut
h. When things are down, there's only one thing that can sedate me to the point,
of core satisfaction. I've never been lucky, and I've never been satisfied. k'v
e never been past the wall of fog that binds me. It hurts. It hurts with an orga
n that's not part of my physical existence. All I can do...is nothing. I'm torn
behind, found dead again by the keepers of the soul. My memories are imagined, s
tored, and used like a drug. But it's like those little packets of nutrisweet. I
know what it isn't, and it's bound to be bad for me. Why can't something beyond
the mundane slide beyond the inner circle and understand without time. Why must
people live in fear. Why must I be here, now, and not where I want to be.
Secrets, left untold. I just want to know. I......can't.
Fuckin bite my fuckin fuck.....crank my plinker pie. I'd be sour, but the lime i
s gone. I'd cry, but I'm dry, I don't do that anymore. I'd scream if there was r
eason, I'd die if it did some good, but on and on each season, I turn and turn t
o wood. I wonder why....
GRIN (fucked)
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96Mar25 from Off The Lip
I have this cool-ass Magic 8 Ball program now.. I'll ask it,
"Should everyone in the world bite my crank?"
Ack....it said, "No" Hmm....okay..I'll ask it, "But my crank should still be bit
ten with the strength and passion of a hurricain right?" HA!
It replied, "No Doubt"
Magic 8 Ball is the coolest...
GRIN
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95Nov02 from Off The Lip
Fuckin crank...bite my fucking fucky fuck crank, that hasn't been bitten in
months...that needs to be bitten like the sun across the sky and the mooon
through the raking trees of terror.
GRIN
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95Nov07 from Off The Lip
Fuckin crank, fuckin crank, bite my fuckin FUCKin crank.. all I need now is musi
cal accompanyment.
GRIN
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95Nov09 from Off The Lip
Fuckin cranking wanklin danklinz....baby.
GRIN
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95Dec18 from Off The Lip
Bite my depressed, repressed, and prepressed Crank....or don't. Who am I to impo
se upon anyone anyways..I'm just a no moneyed lozer with no wemons or nuthin.
GRIN
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95Dec29 from Off The Lip
FUck ufkc ukkkf uyck ....fuck ...kuck...kcuff...Ooo, there's a good one.
GRIN
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96Jan01 from Off The Lip
Maybe I should try selling them myself....maybe not...maybe..I don't know.. Eith
er way, everyone should bite my crank..good, hard, and with the frequency of a g
ood acid-house album.
I think those wheat thins might be planning something.
GRIN
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96Jan04 from Off The Lip
With a crankity bite'n ors'devours...fer sale even..
GRIN
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96Jan07 from Off The Lip
No GremCit...all must suffer...HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!! Bite the RATH of my cranknz.
Yo HO! My- damn....ran out of rootbeer...all the fun is over now.
GRIN
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96Jan09 from Off The Lip
Um, bit e my crankinz....there baby-boos...and a shnorkly swibbin ta boot.
GRIN
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96Jun10 from Off The Lip
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CFUF..aw..damn.. I made it so far
too...
Fuck...need to crank.
if it's the me one you're talking about.. I have a bunch of the damn things. The
y seem to multiply like bunnies or something...which reminds me, I need to bunny
hop to this orb song.
My mom just came in and started asking me about drugs.
That's why I got logged off just now.. Weird..anyways, I told her about all the
drugs that get used near and far by people young and old, so now she has more of
an idea for her conference talk on teenage pregnancy. Make sense to you too? Go
od, have a nice day (don't forget to bite the crank on your way out).
GRIN
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96Jun13 from Off The Lip
Crank my flanker...dink my danker...donk my doonker.
GRIN
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96Jun20 from Off The Lip
Chucka chucka...fuck my nucker....baby. And BITE IT! BITE IT! BITE IT! Till the
cows come cummin cummin home...yik yiik yaaak..yooka dooka daaak.
froooooobn..
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Because I mean...if I wanted to make sense, I'd tell you...ya know?
Scratch that....nevermind. Bin chunkers..nunk.
GRIN
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96Jun06 from Off The Lip
yeah..I need more crank. I actually haven't had more than one box of donuts sinc
e I've developed this fettish....I just like..have the fettish for some reason.
Probably because of my high rate of failure in life...and in death.
BVUITE!!! MYF FUCUCCCCIIFowKFNMK CRAAAAAANANAKNKANAKNAKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!
THat's what happens when you're too shmorgled to type correctly. Or think correc
tly. The world better start a-bitin my crank like old times...and they'd better
snap to it.. For my crank-o-matic ray of death will lay to waste their precious
glass towers of corporate flatulence (actually, it's not as destructive as it so
unds..it's just this guy named Ray that died a couple years ago and they forgot
to bury...sometimes it's fun to scare children away with him..hehe).
I wonder what 'the new Jawbox' is...kimmy just said it 'fuckin rocks'
Anyways, crank...crank..I hope I get my dns entry changed.
Either way, bite my crank.
GRIN
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One of my famous buffer-overflow posts:
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96Jun07 from Off The Lip
Hey...two things happened to me last night while I was asleep. One, I had this c
ool-ass dream. Two, for some reason when I just woke up my back hurts like hell.
.. And it's strange because my back has been feeling just fine the whole time si
nce I've been sick. I donut know what could have happened while I was unconscine
ce that could have injured it...it's like...I was in about the same position as
when I fell asleep..so... I don't know..
Anyways, the dream was cool. It was just like a movie. In fact if I could have r
ecorded it directly into a movie, then I wouldn't have to write it down anywhere
. And that would be a nice thing to be able to do. Maybe then I wouldn't have go
tten a back ache.
It started out as I was standing in a big bank...but it wasn't a normal bank, b
ecause there were more people in it than a usual one, and there was all this cra
p there that is usually at my mom's conferences. So then this guy there, this ol
der guy, he holds up the bank. He is unmasked, and holding a hand gun. He corral
s all the people into the middle of the bank, and waits. I think there must have
been other people in there managing the other people..but I didn't have to deal
with them..I guess that part (and some others) would have to be altered for mor
e realism. But anyways the guy and me come to a difference of opinion, and he co
mes close enough for me to swipe his gun away from him. Something weird happens
with the people in there, and the guy is out the door and walking across the str
eet. Gun in hand, I follow him...no wait...somewhere before that he tells me to
stay in the bank...ughh..that's the trouble with trying to recount events from d
reams..details get blurry. Especially with time. But anyways, I'm following him
across the street to this store of some kind, and for some reason, some of the p
eople from the bank are following me as well. We all file into the shop, and ins
ide there is fuckin mayhem. The other part of his 'team' is robbing the place, a
nd the team leaders are shooting people. Over at one of the counters, there are
four of them with high caliber guns killing and slowly maiming people..children
included. I want to stop them..but the gun I've stolen is probably like a 22 or
something and I don't know how many bullets are in it. And even worse, there are
probably 20 or more other bad guys around me also with guns that would certainl
y react if I started shooting the ones at the counter. The leader guy needs them
over at the bank, so realizing this, I start backing out of the shop..trying to
push everyone that followed me out of the damn store too before they get shot.
Some of them don't get it though and fall off to the sides..and some nit-wit lad
y is trying to get IN to the store as I'm going out. I tell her the store is fuc
king closed as I push her way from the door with my gun hand. The old leader guy
angrilly says to me 'I told you to stay in the bank' and we back all the way ac
ross the street into the bank again. I seem to be the only person there in limbo
. I'm still holding the guy's gun, but I'm not being shot at or anything by the
second team that's now entering the bank. I pass the gun in and out of sight as
it seems necissary, and I stay cautiously close to the leader guy. The group of
people in there is then contained again, and made to sit down in the many rows o
f chairs in the center of the big room. I'm kind of off to the side, and in betw
een the bad guys and the hostages. I spend some time at the table of the team le
aders from the store..quietly. And listen to their non-chalant conversation of w
hat was and is taking place today. One guy got his ear slashed or bitten or some
thing..I suggest he get some bandages. The leader guy walks back to that table a
nd puts his hands on the shoulders of the only woman in the store team, and they
both smile as he says how that brings back memories back in whatever wherever w
hen some wacko shit was going on..the woman is a lot younger than him... I sit a
t the edge of the hostages and watch what's going on as the many bad guys walk a
round the crowd and merely threaten instead of beat the people like they where t
o get them into the chairs. Then out of the blue comes this kid..just old enough
to walk and talk, is crying and looking for one or both of his parents. I notic
e him, and position myself to catch him before anyone less friendly does. I ask
him ' you looking for your mommy' and he quiets a little I make the pick-up gest
ure and the kid makes the pick-me-up gesture.. I pick up the kid and then this l
ady sitting close to me wants to take over the holding job. I don't know the kid
so I try to pass him off on her. He doesn't go for that so I keep him. Out from
somewhere, I and the kid can hear his mom calling out for him..but like a crick
et, she stops calling out when people get to close...she for some reason doesn';
t want the bad guys to know that that's her kid. I walk through and around the i
sles of people in chairs, followed closely by a group of the bad guys, asking ev
ery so often if he recognises his mommy anywhere..we come back around to about t
he place where we started, and then I see he spots her. She spots him too, but s
he's trying to not give away that it's her...or that she's looking at him. For s
ome reason in the dream, she appeared as Holly Hunter. And I said quietly to the
kid that 'I spotted her...did you?' the kid smiles and says 'yah'..so mission a
ccomplished, I tell the kid we better sit down here until mommy is done with wha
t she's doing..it's my guess that she's a cop or something...I don't know. But s
o we sit down in front of this big stack of packaged conference snacks and a dra
wer of someone's desk that is filled with a bunch of papers and old half broken
kids toys. I turn the kid around to face all the stuff, and amuse him (as well a
s the small crowd of thugs that are making sure we weren't trying anything) for
the next like..half hour or so doing funny things with the toy bits and stuff.
So then after that..the money is I guess, out of the vault and they're preparin
g their escape...and down at the bottom of the drawer, are a bunch of personal d
ocuments that I'd guessed would give away someone at the bank. The bad guys were
interested in reading them as I leafed through looking for more stuff to play w
ith, but I read faster and kept flipping them over so they wouldn't read them th
e rest of the way...thinking about it now..it doesn't make much sense..but it ma
de a lot of sense for some reason in the dream... Anyway, the leader guy said th
at it was about time to head out of here..I think to me as well as the bad guys
near to me. And it was getting kind of late in the day..the sun was lowish in th
e sky, and people were starting to yawn and stuff. I leaned over to the side and
watched the cars and trucks drive by the front door, each getting a bag from th
e vault. 'That's quite an operation you have here' I said to the leader guy..and
he silently agreed... And then..there's kind of a gap in my dream, where I go f
rom there, to the inside of one of their cars. So then, I'm in the car in the fr
ont seat with the kid sitting beside me. Next to the kid is the lady who's drivi
ng, and in the back seat is one of the bad guys, the team leader, and another of
the bad guys..essentially, I'm with the leaders of the hiest. Things are windin
g down, and I have the feeling that my bad day with them will soon be over. I th
ink they ack..I got a beep
[ErsaCRANKtz] entry cmd: saving message
ErsaCRANKtz> Enter Message
96Jun07 from Off The Lip
I think they were talking..either to eachother or to me, or both, and I was sayi
ng to the leader guy 'to you, thank you for not killing anyone in the bank...and
to you guys, I'm gonna get you for killing all those people in the store..that
was not cool with me', pointing with my hands to who I was talking to...and then
, I'm not quite sure what happened with my dream state. I'm not sure if I was ac
tually asleep, or half asleep as the next part happened. But, so then after I sa
id that, the lady put on the breaks for the car and it slowed to a stop as I loo
ked over to see she had a gun aimed at me. 'get out' she said..and I saw the the
other two guys pull out their guns as I opened the door and was backing out. Th
e older guy told me 'I'm sorry..' as I was still walking back.. Then I looked at
the lady and said 'Well what are you going to do with the kid?', gesturing to t
he kid still sitting in the front seat. As her and their attention is diverted f
or a slight instant, I whip out the gun in my pocket and blast the lady. Then do
dgeing around the front of the car, I shoot the other two guys in the back seat.
The older guy is still un-armed..and has his hands up. He appears to be very sa
ddened by both events that have taken place..and I tell him 'I'm sorry..' as I t
ake the kid out, and start walking back the way we'd come. I watch the guy as he
gets out of the back seat, and slowly looks at his team through the windows...a
nd then I see him get behind the wheel, and drive away down the road. I then put
my gun away again and keep walking...'look..' I say to the kid ' that bad guy s
hot a hole in my jacket...that was too close..'...and so he's happy, and everyth
ing fades out...end of story.
And remember, it's not a price of 7 bucks to see this movie, it's one bite of th
e crank...much more affordable in my opinion.
GRIN
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96Jun07 from Off The Lip
GUESS WHAT!!!!! Guess fuckin what....okay, since you can't answer immediately I'
ll tell you. My subdomain is CHAAAAAANGED! WoOHOOO! Sure I had to call them up a
nd tell them to do it instead of from the email that I bet they still haven't ev
en read...BUT, it is now (drums roll, trumpets blare)
crank.surfvh.com
Earlyer today I got someone from michican to netscape to that domain and SHNA
CKKO! It should be around the world by tomarrow. My world domination of CRANK
....has begun.
GRIN
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96Jul09 from Off The Lip
HAHAHA...here's a good signoff:
Signoff: Sal_Id (1-800-311-4222 - Christian Movie Reviews And Heavy Breathing)
I think I'm too easily amused..at least by crap like that. I wonder if bill gate
s has an armored tank that he drives around in. I'm suddenly struck....by an ext
ream sense of bordom...and fatigue.
There's no more yogurt.
um..
I need to make a few web pages with BITE MY CRANK on them so they'll show up in
search engines. Cause...you know..that's important to me.
GRIN
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96Jul11 from Off The Lip
**
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And also, the numbers of people using donut for don't is rising every day.
*** * *
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** ** ** ****** *** ** ** ***
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And for that matter...hot-dogger...frootnzly dorn korn fornly dornly chooert!
GRIN
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96Jul22 from Off The Lip
I didn't even meet anyone cool really with all the driving around we did. The c
ops need to just stick to eating their god damn fucking donuts and spend their t
ime SERVING and PROTECTING us..not harrassing us. Kids with sound systems out in
desolate areas are not dangerous.
Bite my fffffucking pissed off, drug free, non-alcoholic, non-violent, non-destr
uctive, want-to-be-raving CRANK! DONUT BURGERSS!!!!! shmulve...
GRINnnerginzgaloog
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96Jul24 from Off The Lip
I got my fuckin CD player back today.....you have no idea how happy that makes
me. It was like..some sort of immaculate gift from the universe itself. Oh my
lovely cd player.... I hope you never break again..(shmooch)
O O OOOOOOO
OOO OOO
OOO OOOOOOO OOOO
O O O O
O O O OO O O
O O O O
O OO O O OO O
O OOO O O OOOO O
O OOOO O O OOOOO O
O OOOO O O OOOOO O
O OOOO O O OOOOOO O
OOOOOO O OOOOOOO O
OOO OO OOOOOO
OOOO
OOO
OO OO OOO
O O OOO OO
OO O
Hmm.. I just thought of something I wanted to write as I was drawing that, and
now I can't remember what it was. Damn... and I probably won't until I'm not
even near my computer and it will seem stupid then anyways. But I want to
write stupid things NOW so that I may laugh at them LATER. I still need a
memory upgrade. All that I can get... Send all sanity and presence of mind to:
DONUT burgers
9767423 Slutclutchers Lane
Crankville, Cranklifornia, 93666
Or maybe, it doesn't agree with me. Either way they should bite my crank.
GRIN
I should be a speech writer for china.
GRIN
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96Aug04 from Off The Lip
....... I couple days ago I asked Magic 8 Ball if I was going to be healthy soon
, and it said, "Count on it". And, I feel tons better. I've found magic 8 ball t
o be very truthful...and relentlessly so. Although, you DO have to ask it the qu
estions after it's fully launched and ready for you. It's a program that doesn't
take any shit. It's the coolest. I'm actually reluctant to ask it a lot of thin
gs BECAUSE it will very likely give me the harsh reality I don't really want to
hear.
Everyone just needs to bite too cranks and call me in the morning. SHMARBIN.
GRIN
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96Aug07 from Off The Lip
Bite my god damn fuckin crappin shittin brickin bitch-ass fuck-a-matic
CRRRRRAAAANNNKA-ROOOOOOOLLLLIOLA!!!!!
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96Feb10 from Off The Lip
Got a hankerin for a bite crankerin...thars a wuzzly rite shwargin.. ta-moog!
I think I wanted to write something in this room a few hours ago. But I haven't
the foggiest concerning what it actually was...Hmmm....
GRIN
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96Aug13 from Off The Lip
Crank-abitin, crank-aBITIN! Heerz dem crankers! Dayrs BITE'n!
GRIN
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96Dec16 from Off The Lip
Too late.. I called now. So, since I couldn't have read the previous, I didn't k
now that right then..that very minute, would be the optimal time to call.
That's why we need a telepathic bbs. We wouldn't need to log in with clunky mode
ms or silly internet connections. We'd just THINK our posts to the hard drive. M
aaan that would be great.. Plus then we'd never have to worry about repetative s
tress injuries due to typing. Because.....typing is evil.
So bite my evil typing crank...crank?...crANK!...CCRAannnnK!!
GRIN
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96Dec16 4:50 pm from Tetsuo Shima
Imagine -- thinking your posts... Only problem with that is that you usually
can't think in the linear fashion of typing. As well, nothing quite equals the
ability to see what you're composing as you write it. There's the
instantanious quality of thought based input that eliminates the careful
witticisms one can generate with a cheesy word processor.
96Dec21 2:43 pm from Ryan Spock
Besides that, thought is a mixture of strange things, including images and
memories based on smell or sound or emotion, or mostly just a strange blend of
all the senses mixed together, which is probably sort of hard to understand to
anyone else. Sort of like this post.
96Dec23 7:12 am from Tetsuo Shima
i like maple.
96Dec23 10:42 pm from Ryan Spock
There was a hallway up in the headquarters at DLI that had this wooden
paneling on the walls that smelled just like the wooden paneling at this
headquarters building in Ft. Sill, Oklahoma, where I did my basic training.
Every time I'd walk through the hallway at DLI, I'd get a creepy feeling
(Basic Training sucks, ya see).
ErsaCRANKtz> Enter Message
97Jan02 from Off The Lip
Ahh but the thing you are neglecting to consider is the fact that if you have a
mentally based method of recording in a digital medium, you would also have the
ability to view and edit your thoughts with even more care and afterthoughts tha
n you could with a typing-based medium...because, a lot of what you've already w
ritten when you type, would often be to time consuming or tedious to re-do.
And as far as the mixing of senses, who gives a fuck. The point is, that's what
you're trying to get across. If people don't have the width of mind to interpret
all of it then that's their loss. It's not like everyone in the world GETS all
the aspects of any one film that is made, and that's only a two-sensory medium.
People always have and always will just take in what they're interested or capab
le of taking in with any form of artistic communication. Adding more total ways
to directly communicate something may only be of honest benefit to a small porti
on of the populace, but that's probably all I'd care about broadcasting to anywa
y. Most people = fucking idiots.
Oh, and proof of my first point, I just noticed a typo where I meant to say TOO
instead of TO. But since this is a slow, command-line, keyboard-based method of
recording what I wish to convey..I don't feel like correcting it. Yet if it were
mentally based, it would already have been corrrected and I might have even add
ed another sentence or three and already have been done with this post by now. I
t's aaaaall so tedious.
I get a creepy feeling whenever I'm ANYwhere in DLI...
So bite my fuckin donut burgerring maggly wrargly foobly noobly CRANK!!!
GRIN
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ErsaCRANKtz> read New
96Aug17 4:32 am from Grey
Er... they're not the spongy type {as in the pourous kind}. They are
bulbous - sort of conical too... without being pointy. They've got rods in
the middle of them so that you can adjust them easily {trying to move the soft
material on its own would be difficult no doubt}. They're really nice and i
think they're supposed to lower levels by 27db if placed properly. i believe
that was the highest of any i saw.
96Aug02 6:36 am from Cockroach
Does OTL type quickly? How long does it take to produce on of those rants,
anyway?
96Aug02 7:29 am from Tetsuo Shima
Twelve hours... It's a concerted effort by the collective we refer to as OTL.
In actuality, OTL is a multi-national coalition whose sole purpose is to
construct realistic rants on WWWA.
96Aug02 8:11 pm from Deadman
"Proud Member of the OTL Since 1996"
96Aug25 12:53 pm from Ryan Spock
Heh. Just wait until the sack of baby spiders is born in his ear canal one
night as he lays sleeping. Florbins, crank baby.
Grey: I'm pretty sure I know what kind you mean. But now I've forgotten
why we were talking about them in the first place...???
ErsaCRANKtz> Enter Message
96Sep01 from Off The Lip
Because they give us such wonderful orgasms Spock.... Well, actually I recall it
being so that I wouldn't go deaf from being at the club every tuesday (which fo
r the past two weeks for one reason or another, I have not done). Ear plugs.. ca
n be a wonderful thing.
I type very quickly Roach. The only problem is, I use the Delete key to correct
mis-typings about 50% of the time. If I could type as fast as I can on a good da
y (or night) without any mistakes, I'd be a buttfuckin-fast typist. Though, fuck
ing butts is hardly a good discriptor for one's keyboarding reflexes. I wonder w
here I picked up that term... In recent writings I've also used it to accentuate
the words 'cold', 'slow', and 'rad'. At least, that's as far as I remember.
I think I probably do take a long time to post my stuff..because sometimes I'm l
ooking up words, or responding to someone on irc, or...whatever. Sometimes just,
collecting my thoughts in mid sentence. So, with that said..
I'm buttfuckin happy to be back home again. I spent the last five days at a ####
#### ###. ################################ was diagnosed three days before THAT,
and life has been a bit different ever since. It's like...insane, man.. But, li
fe goes on. It really sucks that ###############################################
(etc..)
I took my powerbook with me, and wrote stuff about every day.. I think I'll post
parts of it here. That'll be shmorkinzly. And it'll even be crank-o-matic.
That is all for now, from the OTL collective..somewhere in the Crank Isles.
GRIN
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