Breaking up with someone is the most horrible experience I've ever been through. Well, maybe not, but they're the worst experiences that have happened to me that I can remember....and that's half of it, remembering. I often think it would be okay if I just didn't remember anymore. Makes me think of this one Aeon Flux episode (when she started talking, and there was like..some effort toward plot...why I have no idea) where there was this perl generated by a strange little creature that could make you forget everything.. Well, everything except how to talk, walk, etc (another plot hole). Sometimes it would be..very nice to be able to take something like that.
Even better though, would be a pearl to make it so you just didn't care anymore. All those feelings and swimming around in horemones and who knows what other brain chemicals, driving me insane every little chance they get. If I didn't care, all the pain would be gone. If I didn't care, they wouldn't still be on my mind.

I wouldn't say it doesn't matter which side of the breakup you're on, but either way is bad. It's a whole hell of a lot worse on the being dumped side, but it still hurts on either side. It's a pain unlike any other. Consuming, overwhelming, exhausting. Once those feelings hit me, I really really wondered how millions of people throughout history can go through this...and WHY? There must be some other way. There must have been... I can't believe that people have been feeling these ways as long as we've existed. It must be that nuclear testing or something that's having a detrimental effect on us.. It just doesn't add up, there's..it....I can't comprehend this sort of thing being so prevalent and not being treated or even talked about until it happens..to you.

But I guess a lot of things are like that. It's just, fuckin insane. I don't understand anything, I don't understand anyone anymore, and I don't understand myself. I'm just, completely lost in it all. It's lost on me. Emotions...defy, everything. I didn't ask for them, yet I am a prisoner to them.. I didn't even know about them..not these ones anyway. But here they are, big as life. Larger than life actually.

Back to plain or lip.

Created April 8, 1997